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2006'08.30.Wed
sexyのむかしといま。
久々に日本語で。

映画、Pride and Prejudiceを見ました。そうそう、あのキーラ・ナイトレイが出てるやつです。

2回も見てしまいました すごく良かった!
まあ、2回見た真の理由は、18世紀末のイギリスが舞台。最初は字幕ナシで見ることを試みたんやけど、その古い英語と、速くて小難しい感じでしゃべる英語が全然聞き取れず・・苦笑。
で、2回目は英語の字幕をつけて見たら、流れがわかった

イギリス英語はすごくキレイ、とかセクシーとか言う人に今までたびたび会った事があったけど、そのときは常にdisagree・・・だった私。アメリカ英語よりははるかに好きやけど・・・sexyだとはさすがに思ったことはなかった。

でも、この映画を見て、イギリス英語のsexyさを発見した。
それは、たぶん上流階級の"simpleとは程遠い"喋り方なんやと思う。そして会話のところどころに散りばめられるウィット。
Mr.Darcyを見ると、英男子はsexyだ・・と思ってしまう 不思議なものです・・
今の時代、こんな喋り方をする人はまず見かけないけど、それでもこの、なんともいえない控えめで、冷静と情熱が入り混じったようなsexyさを、英国人には受け継いでもらいたいなと思ったのでありました。

話の内容も、ジェンダー視点からもおもしろかった。
「誰と結婚するか」それだけが女性の生きている意義である時代。上流階級の「お目にかけてもらえるように。」それでも、いわゆる「勝ち組」「負け組み」は存在するわけで。そんな女性の生き方を場面場面ですごくコミカルに描いてて、見ていて堅苦しくなく、すごく楽しめた。オススメです




高校の友達と大阪で再会
日本食ランチ、1500円で食べ放題に行った~~~~
まじ、天国やった
20060904221913.jpg

なおこみお

帰り梅田で、キャバクラのスカウトされた!
ふつーに男がこっちに向かって歩いてきて、耳元で「あの~キャバクラのスカウトなんですけど・・・」って言うねんで。気持ち悪すぎ!!
普通に無視するけどさ、これって立派なセクハラじゃないのか?!
迷惑防止条例とかで裁かれるべきちゃうんか?!
こんな奴らがうようよしてる時代・社会がそのまま放任されていいわけがない。
ちょっと前、日本のsex産業について少し調べたけど、調べていてほんまにヘドが出た。
性をこんなにも簡単にビジネスとして容認している
「先進国」「豊かな国(小泉さんによれば)」日本。

18世紀末の英のような、あの謙虚なsexyさが現代でもsexyだと捉われるかなあ。何をsexyと見るか、今と昔の違いをはっきりと示す事は容易ではないけれど、でも現代の"sexy"は確実にひんまがってるな。
こんなことを考えていると、
悲しくなってくるのは私だけじゃないはず。
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2006'08.23.Wed
A perfect day
What is your "perfect day"?

Richard showed me this article about how different "a perfect day" would be between men and women. It was a quite funny article.

According to it
Women basically want a sweet sweet boyfriend who surprises her with expensive presents,
a lot of money spent for taking care of her appearance like hair, make-up, cloths, nails etc,
lunch at a trendy cafe,
shopping with unlimited credit,
a few boys around who give her compliments,
and pillow-talk with the sweet boyfriend, light touching and cuddling and fall asleep in his big arms.

Men simply want 5 blow jobs a day, naked women around, and ice cream as a dinner dessert which served on a big pair of tits!

Now all the mystery is solved why men and women usually don't get on with each other

But the jokes aside (regardless of the article's reliability),
i wondered what my "perfect day" would be like??

And a strange thing happened. I couldn't come up with any of new ideas. I mean, all the thing's come into my mind was something i have experienced before or some nice memory i recalled.

It might be because i kind of know i wouldn't have such a perfect day even in an imaginary world. "Perfect" should be really really really "perfect" when it comes to me. That has coused me problems indeed...

The memories i recalled weren't "a perfect time" at that time, at least i didn't feel so then.
Small happiness could make your day perfect?
I have no idea.
But if you can feel perfection through usual days, you must be such a lucky person or Hotoke(Buddha or God), or so damn stupid.

But thinking about a perfect day has made me realise what you are complaining in daily life is really nothing.

I think it should be fun to ask your boyfriend/girlfriend or to people thinking marriage. Good matching test it certainly is.
If the perfect day of those 2 people are similar to each other's, it should be definitely a good match.

You have to be totally honest though.
And make sure remember this. If a guy didn't say even one sexual desire in his "perfect day", he is trying to disguise himself, or his gay!
2006'08.22.Tue
Sports day
I went practice golf today, just a driving range though. My dad plays golf, he is quite good actually. So he used to take me to the driving range when i was little. I remember i really liked it. It's been quite a while since the last time we went there together. I really enjoyed it, I didn't play too badly, i think i was ok.

An old lady working there was such a "talkative" person if i say it in a good way.
She said to me that women shouldn't work more than 5 years and that it would be best for women to work for about 3 years only to find a husband.
She also asked me if i've got any brothers and sisters, When she found out i had only a younger sister and we were only 2 daughters in family, she said that i better find a second son from somewhere far away so that i could inherit this house and my family name.

I can't believe country side's life sometimes. I DO NOT want anyone to decide my life, but most definitely not by her!!

I can't believe that is all she talked about when she met me for the first time!

I watched high school baseball when i got back. Everytime i see highschool baseball, i feel Japanese summer.

"high school baseball" is probably the most suitable translation of "Koshien". But it doesn't show any of its real spirits.
Koshien is a lot more special. it is not just a high school baseball, it's passion, it's unity, it's drama, and it's tears.

It's unbelievable that those player are 5 years younger or more!!
I always feel i haven't changed since i was 18, but every year i have to face the fact: i'm certainly a year older than last year and the age gap between us are only getting bigger.

in the final game, they surprisingly drew! The score was 1-1 after 15 innings including the extra innings. They will have to play again tomorrow.

The second champianship.
Waseda Jitsugyo won 4-3. It has always been a pitcher's game.
The winner pitcher pitched 69 innings and 948 balls through all the games.

"A quiet hero with burning passion" bursts into tears now, expressing his emotion more than ever.
His eyes are still looking so straight forward though.

It is a joy to share with every one else. People in the stands are all standing now and cheering, singing, smiling, and crying.

Of course, i am one of those who crying in front of TV!!!
2006'08.18.Fri
Don't waste your time on me.
A guy tried to chat me up at Kyoto station today.
What a waste of time, i thought.
But at the same time, i got a bit scared.
He said he wanted to have a chat with me for a bit.
What a lie, i thought.
I didn't want to even say a word to him. I had no time to be wasted for this rubbish.
Besides, i never act and never even look like a girl who whould follow those type of guys.
So, he couldn't be more stupid than this, i thought.

I wondered why i got scared though. Probably it was because it hadn't happened to me abroad.
You know, Japanese are generally not one of the most popular race in Europe. (except some special cases such as guys who like Asian girls, or Manga freaks etc!)
I was quite happy with that, not being popular.
I have never been looking for any guys. In that case, it was quite easy and i didn't have to be too worried about stupid guys following your ass.
Even if some foreign guys chat you up, they would do it a bit more smarter.
well...i'm sure there are some nasty ones abroad as well though..

Anyways,
I hate to waste my time for those stupid's, feeling extremely uncomfortable.
2006'08.15.Tue
Yasukuni
Japanese prime minister visited Yasukuni shrine on 15th Aug, the anniversary or the end of the WWⅡ.

This has been one of the most sensitive and arguable issues during his term of office regarding the relationships with China and South Korea.

That is why he had avoided 15th Aug past a few years considering the influences of his action. But this year, it would have been his last official visit as a prime minister. So he chose this date.

I personally think he did a right thing.
I agree to what he says: he visits there only to show his respectable and regrettable feelings to innocent people who had to die in the war. Not to visit for "the class-A war criminals"...obviously. I can see that he is a very passionate and emotional person, he doesn't make actions prior to diplomatic interests or tactics in this situation. He genuinely wanted to ease our ancestors' pain probably.
I like genuine people. Sometimes you want to do things following just your heart, put all the other issues aside.
I think a prime minister should be allowed to do so too at some degree. He is one of Japanese in the end.

I can imagine that it has been a conflict in himself between being a country's prime minister and being one Japanese.
And he chose to be a Japanese.

If this is a wrong thing to do, there would be no hope in this world in the future.

I think that the neighboring contries can't be too selfish if they seek for a bright future with Japan. I mean, most of the Japanese soldiers were victims too. They could be respected as well as the neighboring countries' ancestors although what japan has done to them should never be forgotten.

What i think now is "You can forgive, but you can't forget", just as he has told me.

People should be forgiven although the event should never be forgotten.

Even though we have done a horrible horrible thing to them in history, they shouldn't be allowed to stop us respecting our ancestors.


Another problem is definitely the Media.
The media has got too much to influence people's opinions.
They have been criticizing the prime minister to visit the shrine all past years. However, criticizing is not their main job, i don't think.
They should keep opportunities of discussion open, and let people "think" what they think. They shouldn't be in the position where they can tell people what is right and wrong.

2006'08.13.Sun
Samari
There was no word came into my mind after saying good-bye and thank you to them. I tried to summarize what we talked about and laughed about. But there were simply too many things to remember. I even wished i could have recorded the whole conversation we had.

All i feel right now is that every one has definitely started walking towards different directions, but all of them is stil shining a lot with their own colours. And everytime i see them, i appreciate that i met them and that we can stil meet up and talk like this.

This is definitely one of my biggest source of energy. Those people i met over 5 years ago, they always make me feel like "This is the place where everything has started and where nothing will ever end". It is a quite weird feeling.
But all i know is that our friendship will never die wherever we go. We have been and will be growing all the time, never going down hill.

Everyone is so different. Each character is so unique.
Those differences create a perfect picture, fitting comfortablly to each other, just like a human puzzle.
Perhaps, this huge puzzle would never be "completed" in a way. However, the most interesting part of puzzling is the process to get close to completion. Once it's completed, it would become only a beautiful picture. There is no individual characters any more.

This puzzle is special. Everyone is very proud of being a piece of it. Sometimes some pieces get together and create a special picture, and some other times other pieces get together and create another picture.
That is all about Samaritan puzzle.

Sometimes you get lost and can't see which part you are in this puzzle, what you are special at, which colour you have. This happens mostly because all the other pieces shine so much around you.
Then, just look around carefully and talk to the other pieces around you.
See?
Now you know who you are.
Now you know that you are as special as the others.
You fit in "the place" you get in the puzzle perfectly.

This is the feeling that Samaritan gives me and i've never felt it anywhere else.
It sounds like a kind of miracle.
But you know, this word is most definitely suitable for Samaritan. 20060904221836.jpg

2006'08.11.Fri
Ugly.
I'm having a short trip to Tokyo today.
"A short trip to Tokyo"... sounds funny.

I take a train at 5:09 am. This stops every bloody stops to Ise-Nakagawa. Well..but i'm grateful about the train service in Japan, after staying in England for a while. Comparing to that, Japan is so amazing when it comes to accurateness and diligence.

My aims are to get a visa at British Embassy, and meet up with Ellen. I'm honestly a bit worried if i can get a visa today because of the horrible terro threat at Heathrow. I'm very glad it was found out and stopped. My heart wouldn't have been tough enough to see any more victims.
That is enough.
Whether this is a religious war or not, if religion creates hatred and hurts innocent people, there is absolutely no point of its existance.
Different religions are not enemy to each other, but only options given to people in their lives.
It's a freedom of faith, not a freedom of "being allowed to do anything to prove your faith".

Human being is probably an ugly creature in nature.
But things that try to control over "the others": power, distorted structure, capitalism, prejudice, greed are all more ugly.
And people who can't live without following those things are the most ugly.

p.s. i got a visa without any problem. I will be able to stay there for 16 months. Hope it's gonna be beneficial and enjoyable.
2006'08.10.Thu
tediousness.
I'm going to Kyoto today.

I feel like dead after having "no sleep at all" last night.
First night in Japan, i couldn't sleep a second.
So, i decided to call him. It must have been around 7 pm there.
Hearing his voice didn't help me sleep, but did relax me.
Some people say
"Even though we are apart, we are still under the same sky".
It might be true in Space Science sort of sense. But it's definitely not real. Truth and Reality are different.
We never find a point of being apart.
I honestly have no idea, where is the point of being under the same bloody sky?
I wish i could count how many people would be happy with that.
For me, the sky i'm looking up and the sky he is looking up are completely different.
For me, being together is the only reality i can believe in.

anyway, i have to go to university at 11:00 am today. I am asked to talk about the exchange study in Sweden give some information to a girl who is going to Sweden this year. I really want to help her because she is in a very difficult situation now. She couldn't get an offer of student corridors from Lund and there seems to be very little chance to find one before she goes there. She has to cancell her flight because of the terrible delay of Visa procedure which is apparently taking over 10 weeks to get Visa at the moment. Applicants increased by 30% compared to last year. So i'll give her every possible ways that might help her find any solutions. This is the most stressful situation where you have absorlutely no idea when you can leave Japan or anything. It's all about "a fight against time" which you can never win. Things uncertain (especially when it's not your own fault) kill you most when you live abroad.

I meet up with my teacher and go for lunch together. He has always helped me a lot with my papers and the application for LSE too. I want to see him to say "thank you".
He looks well and seems never changed, i always feel happy to see people who don't change much.
When he is talking with passion about his study he's been doing: the origin of family allowance in France, he is shining as bright as before. He is going to Sweden this summer for a study program of Rits and then going to Paris to study until March. I've never been to Paris before. I hope i can visit him sometime while he is there.

Just talking with him gives me so much motivation. I tell him what i'm planning to do for the Ms course and he gives me the most appropriate advice. He always indicates me further directions for the future too. He is most understanding about my situation, my partner, and he suggests all the possibilities i have.
Imagining where my future would be by talking to him is so exciting because it suddenly gets to looking so bright. One of my favorite moments. He is my mentor in life.
2006'08.09.Wed
ただいま~~~~
やっとこさ日本に帰ってきました。けっこうセンチメンタルになるかと思われましたが、まったくならず ・・っていうのも毎日が忙しすぎて、やることがいっぱいあって、会う人がいっぱいいて、なかなか目まぐるしく時が過ぎていきます。帰国してもう一週間近くになるけど、ほんまドッビューーーン!!!と過ぎていった感じ。「考える」時間とかほとんどない。一人になる時間もほとんどない。そんな慌しい毎日で、ブログを書く時間は唯一の精神統一の場。生活を見直せる場。電車での移動時間とか、ふと何かが心に思い浮かんだときに、書き残しているメモをこのブログに残していこうかと思います。これが私のブログスタイル@日本になることでしょう・・。


これはイギリスを発って、日本に帰ってくるまでの間に飛行機の中などで書いたメモです。

He says "Departure area must be the saddest part in airports. And arrival is the happiest."
I say good bye to him feeling what he says is true and I promise to see him again soon hoping what he says is true.

I was expecting to see the Big Ben from the plane because i remember i saw it when i came to England on the exact same day of last year. i'm slightly dissapointed that i can't see this time.

The cold meal is "cheese sandwich" so-called... which has only a few slices of cheese between plain bread.That is it. I personally wouldn't call it "cheese sandwich".

The flight is not too stable, we have terrible shakings once in a while. It reminds me of the movie "United 93".

The Dutch pilot's English isn't very good. It sounds very uncomfortable. But once we get to Holland, suddenly it sounds no uncomfortable at all, even sounds so right. If you hear Japanese-English in Japan, it probably would be sounded quite right. Same thing.

Walking through the airport in Amsterdam, i see a very small Sushi bar. It's not a circle one, bur a proper one.
I have to walk for about 20 min to the gate. Trying to remember how i was feeling when i arrived here last year. I was probably walking towards the opposite direction, and towards a different world and new challenges. I think i was a little nervous because i had never traveled abroad on my own and had never seen so many "foreigners" at one time. Speaking English did ease my nerve, but thinking to see him in a couple of hours made me feel a lot more positive at that time.

Now i'm waiting for the next flight at a lounge, surrounded by all the Japanese people. Most of people are Japanese and speaking Japanese without any hesitation. I have no idea what they are talking about although i speak the language. Same nationality, but everyone's so different. I feel so strange to be with so many Japanese people in the same place. I even feel like my identity as Japanese is missing. But maybe many people here might be feeling the same as me. And i feel even more strange.
Nationality doesn't help you at all in some situations.

I think it is going to be a long journey, and a long time without seeing him. I miss him already. miss everything around him, his family, his house, his rabbit, even the smell of his country.
I text him
"I have thought of you more than 50 times already by now."
He texts me back
"only 50 times?"

I read a book in the plane: the latest Murakami Haruki book. it is apparently a collection of short stories and they are all quite strange stories. Watching people is fun. I think Japanese might be the most interesting people in the world to watch . Possibly i would get used to it and stop looking at them in the same way as i do now. But it would be really interesting to live in Japan if i tried not to get used to. But at the same time, it would be tough as well. As long as you want to "be accepted"in the society, it sometimes gives you pain to live in the country having foreign eyes.

Every seat has got a mini TV which is so cool. It's got a little remote and you can choose any music, movie, tv programs you like such as not only the latest films but a bit old or sort of crassic ones too, and some comedy like "Friends" "The Simpsons" etc. Anyway, it's always good to have options. You can also play computer game with the remote! It's got a slide for credit cards, and you can make phone calls and send sms and emails too! How cool is that!? So, now i'm watching "Friends" and probably gonna watch "Brokeback Mountain" a bit later. "Misson Impossible 3"...hmm maybe!
I start wondering if i have enough time to read the book or sort the documents out that i'm supposed to do.
Suddenly i feel like i will have "only 10 hours" in the plane.

In plane, time passes so quickly but so slowly in a way.
This is a totally different world which is separated from anywhere else. Right now i'm in a plane, and i don't belong to Japan, either to England.
I am somewhere in the world, over the sky, where the tempreture is -45 degree.
You always want to free yourself from belongingness, but when you have no idea where you are belonging, you get confused. Strange.

I can't sleep at all. Tries to sleep many times but never works. Bob Marley can't help me either... The noise of the plane just don't let me rest my body and mind at all. I realise how important it is to feel secured when you need a good sleep.

The cabin crews start asking around "cup noodle or ice cream?"
I think it is the weirdest question in the world. But as you know, this is not the "real world". This is a tiny space which separated from anywhere else. The choise between cup noodle or ice cream might not be that strange in another world.

10 min to landing. It seems that Japan is in a real summer. 30 degree already at 9:30 am.

*OWARI*

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